How I Came to Know Jesus

Twenty five years ago Christmas and Easter became not just a religious holidays for me, but a real life story of hope and redemption.

I grew up in a household where we did not go to church.  My great grandparents knew and loved the Lord.  They would give us Christian books and I do remember going to church with them at least once.  We were free to go with friends, too.  I first went to a catholic church across the street from my house when I was in the 3rd grade.  My friend, Valerie, invited me to go with her and her family.  We would go on Sunday and then on Wednesday we had CCD (I think now it is called religious education).  I LOVED going to church and learning about God.  I went to that church for two years.  It was the foundation of my relationship with God. In my childlike faith, I did pray to God at night (and maybe sometimes during the day) for years.  I somehow knew He loved me and was looking out for me and my family.

A seed had been sown in my stony or thorny ground (not sure which one fits better). You can see my adolescent and teenage years as the seed was was planted the plant and begin to grow, however it could not grow deep roots and withered in the sun. Or…the ground was thorny and although the seed could plant and grow, it could not compete with the amount of thorns that overtook it.  As I hit my teenage years, I felt out of place, rejected by many and began to rebel.  I hated life and I hated a lot of people (or what they projected).  When I was 14 I attempted suicide.  I swallowed an entire bottle of Excedrin (or as much as I could swallow before I couldn’t swallow anymore).  Thankfully, I only became super sick (vomiting bile all the next day).  I probably should have had my stomach pumped.  But, my parents didn’t know about it and I was too afraid to tell them.  My mom did eventually find out and when I was much older so told my dad.  I am just so grateful that I did not “succeed” in my attempt.  God had other plans for me.  And…I didn’t think about dying for a long time after that.

Back to my spiritual journey…I did have some Mormon friends throughout junior high and high school that I went to church with once or twice.  The only memory I have is that church seemed long and (sorry LDS friends)…boring.  By the way, I love my Mormon friends and family.  But, that’s a whole other story.

When I was in my late teens/early twenties, I was working with a friend who invited me to her Lutheran church.  I really liked it and enjoyed going on occasion.  It reminded me of my interest in getting to know God better. However, fun to me and my friends was partying, going to bars and I was always in the search for love, the cliche’ of “looking for love in all the wrong places.”

Fast forward to 1994.  I was 22 years old and met my future husband, Aaron.  First, I loved how much he respected me, encouraged me and believed in me.  He actually helped me sign up to go back to college full time.  He invited me to go to church with him.  I don’t remember much about going except that I stopped going for awhile (for immature personal reasons…ugh).  But God would wake me up early on Sundays (that was probably like 9:00 or 9:30 a.m. back then!) and I would dig my heals in and refuse to go.  Once I began to go again, I did enjoy it.  The significant day came on February 13, 1994 (Aaron’s birthday) when there was a guest speaker at church.  The man preached a wonderful message that I don’t remember anything about except that it spoke to me.  After his message, he asked if anyone wanted a deeper relationship with God and if so they could come to the alter.  It felt like I ran up there.  I don’t know if I did or not.  But, I knew that God was speaking to me through that man.  (Interestingly enough, I realized later that the church where I sat and gave my life to Jesus was the church that my great-grandparents attended years before.  I would go on to get baptized, married and have our first child dedicated in that church).

Life has not been perfect since then.  But, these past 25 years have been filled with so much hope.  At times my faith has been like that described in James 1:6,

“But when you pray, you must believe and not doubt at all. Whoever doubts is like a wave in the sea that is driven and blown about by the wind.” (GNT)

I love how The Passion Translation translates James 1:6-8,

6 “Just make sure you ask empowered by confident faith without doubting that you will receive. For the ambivalent person believes one minute and doubts the next. Being undecided makes you become like the rough seas driven and tossed by the wind. You’re up one minute and tossed down the next. 7–8 When you are half-hearted and wavering it leaves you unstable.[a] Can you really expect to receive anything from the Lord when you’re in that condition?”

I have been blessed with some wonderful spiritual mentors in my life.  Women of God who have “been there” and who walk the walk and took the time to speak into my life and pray with me.  One of them gave me the best advice I could have received as a baby Christian.  She told me, “Remember that your spiritual walk is not dependent on the ebb and flow of your emotions, but your confidence is in The Rock- Our Lord Jesus.”  That has been one of my biggest areas where I have to continue to grow in that unshakeable faith.  There have been times where we faced mountains and I had faith we would not only overcome, but be victorious.  But, other times we would face small trials or even larger ones and I have become a heaping mess.  The wonderful thing is God has helped me grow through those processes.  Every time he truly has worked everything for good!  Romans 8:28, “So we are convinced that every detail of our lives is continually woven together to fit into God’s perfect plan of bringing good into our lives, for we are his lovers who have been called to fulfill his designed purpose.” (TPT)

I believe that now more than ever.  Now, my question to you is, “Do you want to know Jesus and have a deeper relationship with Him?” (It’s not about having a religion.  God truly wants a relationship).  If so, it’s as easy as A, B, C.

Admit that you have sinned and repent by asking forgiveness.   Everyone is a sinner. The only person that never sinned was Jesus himself.  “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” (Romans 3:23)
Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and that He paid for your sins through his death on the cross, and rose again that you might have life.

Romans 5:8 says, “God demonstrates His love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”  “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.” John 3:16

Confess that Jesus Christ is Lord and Savior and commit your life to him.

“That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”(Romans 10:9)  Repentance is defined as a “desire to amend.” In other words God gives us an opportunity to start anew and be transformed into the man or woman God desires us to be. “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” (Romans 12:2)

Living a new life as a Christian does not mean you will have a life without trials. We still live in a fallen, sinful world. However, we now have hope in Jesus Christ. That is the hope that I have found and the hope that I truly pray you find.

Repurpose (Your Life)


I love Pinterest.  I love looking at DIY stuff and “repurposed” projects.  I like going on the app and seeing how I can turn regular, everyday “junk” into art.  I rarely try to implement what others have done, but the idea to take something “ugly” and make it beautiful, makes me happy.  One of my most re-pinned posts is of an old bed post that someone formed into an angel and put in their flower bed.  Looking at something that has been “repurposed,” like a mosaic, makes me think of how God wants to take us in our broken states and turn us into something beautiful.

One day I met a woman who began to tell me her story.  She had been in an abusive marriage.  Her ex-husband emotionally abused her, making her feel “less than.”  He also physically abused her.  She eventually left him.  She began to go to school and took a self-defense class.  Eventually, she began to teach self-defense.  Then, God put on her heart and opened the door for her to teach self-defense to women in prison.

God loves us show much, that He continually is molding and reshaping us and using us for His plan and purpose.  He can take those ugly things that have happened in our lives and turn them around for (His) good!  He can (and will, if we let Him) turn our mess into our message.

Isaiah 64:8

But now, O LORD, You are our Father, We are the clay, and You our potter; And all of us are the work of Your hand.

Psalm 139:13-16

Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
    you formed me in my mother’s womb.
I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking!
 Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
before I’d even lived one day.
Ephesians 1:2 (Msg):

“It’s in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for.  Long before we first heard of Christ,…he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone.”

Ephesidans 2:10 (NLT)

NLT:  For we are God’s masterpiece (other versions workmanship, creation, handiwork). He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.

Colossians 1:16b (Msg)

We look at this Son and see the God who cannot be seen. We look at this Son and see God’s original purpose in everything created. For everything, absolutely everything, above and below, visible and invisible, rank after rank after rank of angels—everything got started in him and finds its purpose in him (repeat) Everything got started in Him and finds its purpose in Him!


Jeremiah 29:11 New King James Version (NKJV)

11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Look again at Hebrews 12 New King James Version (NKJV)

The Race of Faith

12 …let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, …has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

  • While running the race remember: HE is the author and the finisher of our faith


The devil, the enemy wants us to feel less than.  He wants dysfunction in our lives.  He wants division, dissension and discord in our families.

dis- a Latin prefix meaning “apart,” “asunder,” “away,” “utterly,” or having a privative, negative, or reversing force (see de-, un2.); used freely, especially with these latter senses, as an English formative:

Think of all the words with the prefix, “dis.”  discontent, disunity, disagree, dissension, discord, dispute.  All of these (and more) are from the devil.

Now, think of some words that start with the prefix, “re.”

The ones I shared, refocus, reframe, repurpose.  Then there’s refresh, renew and redeem.  Those are from God.  He wants continually refreshed in Him, renewed by Him and we are redeemed by Him.

At the time I was originally writing this, the radio would often play the song by Big Daddy Weave, “Redeemed.”  The lyrics are so good.  I hope that you can find hope and most of all renewal and redemption as you put your hope and trust in God.

Seems like all I could see was the struggle
Haunted by ghosts that lived in my past
Bound up in shackles of all my failures
Wondering how long is this gonna last
Then You look at this prisoner and say to me “son
Stop fighting a fight it’s already been won”

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I’ll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, now I’m not who I used to be
I am redeemed, I’m redeemed

All my life I have been called unworthy
Named by the voice of my shame and regret
But when I hear You whisper, “Child lift up your head”
I remember, oh God, You’re not done with me yet

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I’ll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, now I’m not who I used to be

Because I don’t have to be the old man inside of me
‘Cause his day is long dead and gone
Because I’ve got a new name, a new life, I’m not the same
And a hope that will carry me home

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I’ll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, ’cause I’m not who I used to be

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I’ll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, yeah, I’m not who I used to be
Oh, God, I’m not who I used to be
Jesus, I’m not who I used to be
‘Cause I am redeemed
Thank God, redeemed


Thank God…I am redeemed!

Reframe Your Thoughts

While studying Social Work, we learned quite a bit about the term, “Reframing.”  Cognitive reframing is a psychological technique that consists of identifying and then disputing irrational, maladaptive (dysfunctional) thoughts. Reframing is a way of viewing and experiencing events, ideas, concepts and emotions to find more positive alternatives.  In cognitive therapy it’s also referred to as cognitive restructuring.


Aaron T. Beck developed cognitive therapy in the 1960s. Beck worked with patients that had been diagnosed with depression, and found that negative thoughts would come into minds of these patients. Beck helped his patients recognize the impact of their negative thoughts, and aided them in shifting their mindset to think more positively—eventually lessening or even getting rid of the patient’s depression. This process was termed cognitive restructuringthe main goal of which was to rethink negative thoughts and turn them into positive thoughts[1]


I LOVE listening to Dr. Caroline Leaf.  She has written books about how our thoughts affect (Who Switched off My Brain?: Controlling Toxic Thoughts and Emotions).  She has stated, “God is the Creator of the Universe and is the Author of Science…The study of Science is therefore the study of God’s handiwork and is a way of admiring His Creation.”

While holding an actual photo of the brain, Dr. Leaf, pointed out a very toxic memory. It was a dark black one that looked like a tree with many, many branches. She explained that toxic memories have all the wrong chemicals and they cause a toxic reaction in the body.

The first and most advantageous point of control is when the thought is initially introduced to us. It’s at that point that we can make a decision to accept or reject the information. It was also interesting to me to hear Dr. Leaf explain how this process of free will was built right in to us through genetic code by the Creator Himself.

“There is a point in your brain called the “free will” and it is a genetic structure, there is genetic code. You can use that free will to accept or reject that incoming information. So if you are controlling your thought life, you don’t have to just receive all of this input that is coming in from the outside world, from the media, from external and also from your internal world; we’ve got a lot of existing toxic memories in our head, everything from birth to death is stored in your brain. So you’re going to have information coming from the outside, information from the inside and it all meets at this point of the free will in the brain. You can make a decision at that point to accept or reject that information. If you decide this is not good for me and you actually analyze that thought and say, this is not good for me, this is not healthy. You can reject that thought and it goes out and becomes heat energy. It actually becomes hot air and it doesn’t become part of you. But if you choose to think about it, if you choose to meditate on that, if you choose to ask, answer, discuss, analyze to give meaning, you push it into these memory trees of the mind, into the memory circuits and once they’re there, they are there for good. Once they’ve moved into what the neuro-scientists call the magic trees of the mind, once they’re there, they’re there for good, you can’t get rid of them. Then you’ve got to rebuild, that’s the renewing of the mind. Much more difficult to rebuild than it is to reject.”
~ Dr. Caroline Leaf

The second point of control is after the thought has already been accepted. Dr. Leaf says that if thoughts slip through into our brain and become toxic, we need to start the rebuilding process. What it boils down to is a renewing of the mind process just like the Word of God says. We must think on things that are good, pure, of good report. God didn’t say that for no reason! As I observed in a recent post, How Healthy Meditation Can Make Us Successful, God’s Word teaches us that proper meditation will cause us to prosper and succeed, and it will add joy to our life.

Dr. Leaf says that the medical community and the scientific community (neuro-scientists and neuro-researchers) agree. They have proven that if we think healthy, positive, good thoughts, we release chemicals in our brain that actually go down to those negative toxic memories and start literally helping to dissolve them and actually help change the structure of that memory so that we can grow a new healthy memory over the old toxic one.

Toxic waste generated by toxic thoughts causes the following illnesses: diabetes, cancer, asthma, skin problems and allergies to name just a few.   (Stress, tension….trickle effect from mind down to body).

BUT As Christians we have authority over our thoughts and we have the mind of Christ:

  1. We are told to “Hold Our Thoughts Captive”:

Cor. 10:3-8 (NKJV) “For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christand being ready to punish all disobedience when your obedience is fulfilled.  Do you look at things according to the outward appearance? If anyone is convinced in himself that he is Christ’s, let him again consider this in himself, that just as he is Christ’s, even so we are Christ’s.[a] For even if I should boast somewhat more about our authority, which the Lord gave us[b] for edification and not for your destruction, I shall not be ashamed

  1. We are taught to “Renew Our Minds”:

Romans 12:1-2

Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice,[a]acceptable to God, which is your [b]spiritual service of worship. And do not be conformed to this [c]world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may[d]prove what the will of God is, that which is good and[e]acceptable and perfect.


  1. We should continually examine our thoughts:

Does it line up with God’s thoughts (the Bible)? If not, then cast down your own thoughts and think God’s thoughts instead.

As Christians we also have a new spiritual wisdom: 

1 Cor. 2:And I, brethren, when I came to you, did not come with excellence of speech or of wisdom declaring to you the testimony[a] of God. For I determined not to know anything among you except Jesus Christ and Him crucified. I was with you in weakness, in fear, and in much trembling. And my speech and my preaching were not with persuasive words of human[b] wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, that your faith should not be in the wisdom of men but in the power of God.

However, we speak wisdom among those who are mature, yet not the wisdom of this age, nor of the rulers of this age, who are coming to nothing. But we speak the wisdom of God in a mystery, the hidden wisdom which God ordained before the ages for our glory, which none of the rulers of this age knew; for had they known, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory.

But as it is written:

“Eye has not seen, nor ear heard,
Nor have entered into the heart of man
The things which God has prepared for those who love Him.”[c]

10 But God has revealed them to us through His Spirit. For the Spirit searches all things, yes, the deep things of God.11 For what man knows the things of a man except the spirit of the man which is in him? Even so no one knows the things of God except the Spirit of God. 12 Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, that we might know the things that have been freely given to us by God.

13 These things we also speak, not in words which man’s wisdom teaches but which the Holy[d] Spirit teaches, comparing spiritual things with spiritual. 14 But the natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; nor can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned. 15 But he who is spiritual judges all things, yet he himself is rightly judged by no one.16 For “who has known the mind of the Lord that he may instruct Him?”[e] But we have the mind of Christ.

When we first moved to Western Washington from Southeast Idaho, I complained about the price of our apartment.  Most of my friends back in Idaho were paying the same amount for their mortgages on newly built homes as we were paying for rent on a 2 bedroom apartment.  I “could not” be content…until I CHOSE to be.  One night when I couldn’t sleep I turned on the T.V.  There was a television program I was watching (I think it was “Life Today” with James & Betty Robison) that showed young families living in total filth, they had no clean water, no plumbing in their home, they were eating small amounts of food if any, etc.  I looked around at our comfy, clean apartment that had running water, indoor plumbing and even a gas fireplace and for the first time, I felt rich.  God helped me change my perspective.  Over the years, I have had to remind myself to simply put on my “rose colored glasses” and see my circumstances through new eyes.

1 Thesselonians 5 (AMP):

16 Be happy [in your faith] and rejoice and be glad-hearted continually (always);

17 Be unceasing in prayer [praying perseveringly];

18 Thank [God] in everything [no matter what the circumstances may be, be thankful and give thanks], for this is the will of God for you [who are] in Christ Jesus [the Revealer and Mediator of that will].


2 Timothy 1:7  For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and sound (well-balanced)  mind and discipline and self-control.
Gets your eyes off yourself, focus on God (refocus) and others!

Philippians 2:3-4  Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.  4 Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.

Acts 20:35: In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’”

By Faith We Understand Hebr. 11:11

11 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. For by it the elders obtained a good testimony.

By faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that the things which are seen were not made of things which are visible.


I pray this blesses you as much as it did me.


Three years ago I shared this message at church.  I had felt like I knew what God was giving me to say.  And then, our co-pastor asked me to speak at the Women’s Refresh Bible study.  God started downloading this message into my heart.  I have felt led to review it and share it here in this blog. (I am breaking the message,
“Refocus, Reframe and Repurpose” into three parts).

This time of year we tend to make our big “Resolutions.”  The prefix “Re” is a prefix, from Latin, indicating repetition.  It also                                                                indicates a return to a previous condition, restoration, etc: rebuild, renew, etc.  


Hebrews 12:1-2:

Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, [a]fixing our eyes on Jesus, the [b]author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

(Amplified v. 2) Looking away [from all that will distract] to Jesus, Who is the Leader and the Source of our faith [giving the first incentive for our belief] and is also its Finisher [bringing it to maturity and perfection]. He, for the joy [of obtaining the prize] that was set before Him, endured the cross, despising and ignoring the shame, and is now seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

(God spoke those words to me…”Fix your eyes on ME”)

– Think of a racehorse they have “blinders” or “blinkers”

“Many race horse trainers believe these keep the horse focused on what is in front of him, encouraging him to pay attention to the race rather than distractions (such as crowds)”

In years past and in areas where they still us “Driving Horses” (such in horse drawn carriage rides) the “blinders” or “blinkers” are used to keep the horses from getting distracted or “spooked”

We need to act like we have these “good” “blinders” on!  We need to focus on the “Finish Line.”

…v. 1 AMP…” let us strip off and throw aside every encumbrance (unnecessary weight) and that sin which so readily (deftly and cleverly) clings to and entangles us, and let us run with patient endurance and steady and active persistence the appointed course of the race that is set before us

When my girls were little and they knew I was distracted by something in front of me like the T.V. or my phone, they would grab my face and make me look straight into their eyes.  God is taking our faces into His hands and asking us to look to and at Him.

Often God uses music to remind me….

“Turn your eyes upon Jesus                                                                                                          Look full in His wonderful face                                                                                                        and the things of earth will grown strangely dim                                                                          In the light of His glory & grace”

Beauty Instead of Ashes

Today God gave me a visual.  I kept seeing a flower, plants or other vegetation blooming through volcanic ash or solidified lava.

It’s crazy to think that when a volcano erupts, that it destroys all that is around it.  There is nothing but death and destruction.  Everything around it is buried, burned and destroyed.  Although the immediate effect of the volcano seems hopeless to life around it, nature (God) does something amazing.  He takes that nutrient from the magma and the ash acts as a fertilizer enriching the soil.  Some plants actually do survive.  But often, a new ecosystem emerges, sometimes more vibrant than before.

A year ago today I was in a deep, dark place.  It felt like my world was crashing in.  But, I had constant hope and reassurance that God was there and that he would (as Isaiah 61:3 says) give me a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, and festive praise instead of despair.

As the anniversary of that “disaster” and “destruction” came around, I was so appreciative of where I was and where I’ve come from.  But, I also felt some of that old feeling trying to poke through.  As I was driving today, I kept hearing amazing songs about God restoring us.  “Rise,” by Danny Gokey: “So rise, Breaking the dark, piercing the night, you’re made to shine, an army of hope, bringing the world a radiant light…You were made to rise.”  (By the way, a year ago his song “Tell Your Heart to Beat Again” was one of the things that got me through).

Other lyrics I heard today, Matthew West’s song, “Broken Things:” “The pages of history, they tell me it’s true, that it’s never the perfect; it’s always the ones with scars that you use…Now I’m just a beggar in the presence of a King, I wish I could bring so much more, But if it’s true You use broken things, then here I am Lord, I’m all Yours….”  And then there’s the Natalie Grants song, “Clean (my current favorite):”  “I see shattered, You see whole, I see broken, but You see beautiful…You’re restoring me piece by piece…What was dead now lives again, Cause You’re restoring me piece by piece.”

I was able to reflect on the fact that just like these little bits of vegetation poking through the ash, God is restoring me, piece by piece.

“And even now, He is breathing on your dry bones

And there will be dancing
There will be beauty where beauty was ash and stone
This much I know…Oh My Soul…” (by Casting Crowns)

It might not be like it was before, but it is already better than it was before.  I am so grateful that He causes all things to work together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28)

I’m a Proud Parent of a B- student

I am blessed to parent two beautiful, talented and smart girls. When my oldest was born, we were in a new city, I was a stay-at-home mom and this baby girl was my world. It felt to me like she was completing all of the baby “milestones” ahead of time. So, I always told my husband (until we would laugh at my confidence in her), “She’s advanced!” She grew to be such a smart girl. She was reading Dr. Seuss books by four-years-old. I had friends compliment me on how smart she is. She’s a real “brainiac,” one would say. “She is going to be at the top of her class.” Teachers always had nothing but good to say about her, they all loved her.  She continued to excel in everything she did. She truly had God’s favor on her life. She would always come home with “4’s” or “E’s” (for Excellent) on her report card. She was in the Excel program at her private Christian school and then in the Advanced Placement “Challenge” program once we moved her to public school. She continued in some AP classes in junior high/middle school.

I never felt like I was a “pushy” or overbearing parent, especially in terms of grades and homework.  But, let’s admit it.  I loved being the parent of such a smart and talented child.

And then, life happened. We had another baby when she was 7-years-old and I grew busier.  She had been continuously bullied from 4th grade on. She had bullies all through elementary and junior high. She had some other unfortunate events that took place during those years that sent her on a downward spiral. She began to lack self-esteem and confidence. School began to be more of struggle at times. She lost the desire to go to school and the loss of the desire and excitement to learn. She began to be experience bouts of depression. Then came the panic attacks. We didn’t know what to do. This was not the “vision” or the “dream” we had for our daughter’s life. This was not the top of the class, “A” student, class leader that she once was. This was a struggling teenager who had become someone else. She closed off her emotions, she wouldn’t talk to me or her dad much of the time. She began to spend endless hours alone in her room with the door closed, the lights off and slept all the time.  One day I found her in the fetal position, curled up in a ball on the floor of her bathroom sobbing.

I had talked to her about going to the doctor or a counselor and possibly even trying medication. She refused for such a long time.  I don’t know if it was shame and embarrassment or what.  But, finally, one day she agreed.  We saw a medical doctor that would actually consider an anti-depressant / anti-anxiety medication for a teenager (because some wouldn’t agree to it).  The doctor suggested we treat this holistically: deal with every aspect of her well-being (spiritual, emotional, physical and mental).  She was put on medication, she began to see a professional counselor, we moved her to a new school in a different school district.  Eventually she began to focus on what she was eating and her sleeping habits.

At the same time we were dealing with our oldest daughter’s “issues,” our youngest began to have severe stomach issues.  I had to take her to the doctor, allergists, G.I. specialists.  She was missing so much school.

Then, one day I got a call from my oldest’s school informing me she was flunking a class (or two, I can’t even remember now, it is all sort of a blur).  Then, seriously moments later I got notice my youngest would not be allowed back at her school because she had missed too many days.  To top of that crappy moment in life, my friend unknowingly came up to me and began to boast about how well her children were doing.  She told me her children just got their report cards and were getting straight A’s, one was on the honor roll or in National Honor’s Society.  I felt like I was going to have a nervous breakdown.

Shortly after, I gave my notice at work.  I knew I HAD to focus primarily on my children.  Our lives had become too complicated and too rushed.

Slowly, but surely things began to improve for both of our girls, but especially our oldest.  She found a new joy in choir and then tried out for and made show choir.  This new passion gave her a new desire and drive to be at school and to more than function on a daily basis.  There were set backs here and there.  We had to have her medication changed at one point.  Her counselor moved, so she had to basically start over with another one (that has been a total and complete blessing).  She still got overwhelmed with school work, so eventually we were able to get her on a 504 plan.  (Her school, counselors, teachers have been wonderfully helpful and usually very patient and understanding 🙂

We now have a daughter that will sit and talk with us. Sometimes for hours.  She opens up about her life, her struggles, her fears and her dreams and desires for the future.  She has started volunteering at our church, even going on a missions trip to Mexico.  Seeing others who weren’t having their basic needs being met was an eye opener.  Her confidence has grown by leaps and bounds.  She is truly the strongest, bravest person I know.  She is not ashamed of her “diagnosis.”  She has seen it as an opportunity to empathize with others.  She still has such high standards and expectations for herself.  But, she is also honest with herself.

As for grades.  We care, but we don’t.  We encourage her to do HER best.  We encourage her to use the gift that God has given her and to follow her passions.  Right now, she loves performing.  She was just part of a wonderful high school musical production that she was GREAT in!!  While watching her, it was like I was watching someone else.  Maybe more like a friend who I was proud of.  It sort of felt like an out-of-body experience at times.  I know part of this was because years ago, I truly had to fully surrender and give her to God.  I couldn’t hold on so tight anymore.  I had to let her slowly start letting her go.

As the last show came to an end on Sunday night and then Monday morning I woke up and realized my baby was now 17-years-old…I became emotional.  I just kept thinking, “She is growing into such a beautiful, talented, smart, funny and wonderful young lady.”  She has actually exceeded any expectations I ever had of her.  I could not have dreamed this.  My shy (but yes, smart) girl who was at time an introverted, then stressed, panicked, fearful, and depressed young person who could not get out of bed to go to school, was soaring on stage as one of the leads in a high school musical.  What?!?

I’m sure life will continue to throw us curveballs from time to time.  But, I know we can handle whatever is thrown at us.  I have truly surrendered any of my dreams, expectations or desires for her life and have tried to be there as a support and advocate.  She’s even letting me slowly let go of those reigns.  Which is hard!

Now, I just try to be there for her.  When she wants to talk or vent, I try to listen (and shut my mouth, which is hard).  I of course give advice or the wisdom I can give when I feel like it’s needed.  Having a supportive, wonderful husband and father to my girls who is my total partner in this adventure is a blessing that I cannot even express in words.

So, when the report cards get ready to come out (once again), we just focus on areas that can be improved, but really continue to focus on the future, what is on her heart for her future.  Life is crazy.  To think that I would be excited with B- or or okay with some C+ grades is almost laughable to me.  But, I just see a happy, healthy girl and think, “What else can a mom hope for?”

Be blessed,


The Lord is for me, I will not fear

I have noticed a recent trend on social media and the news: FEAR. Most of the fear is surrounding Ebola entering our borders. But, there is always something on the news or events happening in our lives or the lives of those around us that could cause us to be fearful: issues with our health, not having job security, the health and welfare of our children, anxieties and phobias, etc., etc. etc.

For years I struggled with fear. As a child, I feared the boogey-man. I remember lying awake at night, not being able to sleep because I was afraid of the dark, of something underneath my bed or that someone was going to come and get me. Often times, I would end up in one of my sister’s beds. (It was a blessing having four sisters to choose from). 🙂

When Aaron and I moved from sleepy ol’ Pocatello, Idaho to the Seattle-Tacoma area in 1998, that fear got a grip on me once again. I was bed ridden for months because of the hyperemesis gravidarum I experienced during pregnancy. So, I would sit and watch T.V. including the news 2-3 times per day. Going from pretty mild news reports to news about rapes and murders (some happening very close by, like just down the street) gripped me with fear. I began to fear someone breaking into our apartment and couldn’t sleep well at night. Then, when our first child was born, it continued into being concerned something would happen to her.

This continued on for years and only progressed when we moved into our first house in an area that would eventually have issues with drug related crimes, thefts and break-ins, etc.

I had faith, I believed in God and deep down I knew He would protect us. But, I couldn’t shake that grip that fear had on me.  I would pray over our house, walk around and pray over our property, etc, etc.  But, nothing seemed to help the fear subside.

I bought a little picture of an angel guarding a child’s bed and every night began to recite the passage that was printed on it:  Psalms 4:8, “In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, LORD, make me dwell in safety.”  I had been reading, “The Power of a Praying Parent” by Stormie Omartian and would read the chapter on fear not just for my daughter, but for ME.  It was pretty humbling.  I tried to read other books on fear, but they all dealt with things such as stage fright, asking for a raise, etc.  Those are still very real and debilitating fears, but I felt like I was the only person who was fearing for my life.  (I saw Joyce Meyer has a new book on fear.  I’m curious to read it.  I bet that’s a great resource).

Looking back, I really cannot believe the way I was living.  I was truly a prisoner to my own mind and emotions.  On top of the fear, I was dealing with so many other “issues.”  God began to slowly peel away at those issues one by one.  But, it truly took FAITH to overcome the FEAR.

The first step I took (after reading the Scriptures on fear and praying) was getting a little booklet on fear that actually opened my eyes to how fear works.  For some reason, reading, “Freedom From Fear” by Kenneth Copeland made that little lightbulb in my brain turn on.  I had that “Aha” moment.  In the booklet, Copeland explains the law of reciprocals (“corresponding, but reversed or inverted” principles) that are discussed in Romans 8:2, “For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death.”  Understanding that fear is just faith perverted (by Satan) opened my eyes.  Satan is “limited to the forces of the world.”  He cannot create or come up with new ideas.  He just perverts the spiritual laws that are already in place.  “Sin was not a new law.  It was righteousness perverted.  Death was life perverted.  Hate was love perverted.  Fear was faith perverted (pg. 5).”  In the Garden of Eden, after Adam and Eve sinned, the first words Adam spoke to God were, “I was afraid.”  Genesis 3:10.  The enemy is here to steal, kill and destroy.  So, he took the faith that Adam had and it was turned to fear.  I love where Kenneth Copeland writes, “The counterfeit never is as powerful as the real thing” (pg. 7).  Therefore, we know that when we put faith to work, “it will always overcome fear.”

In our Christian walk, we have to walk by faith.  In doing so, we have to know the Word of God and stand on its (His) principles.  We have to know that Satan is under our feet because of what Jesus has done for us (as believers, we are free from every part of the curse).  So, why do we allow him to pull us around on strings of fear, worry, anxiety, depression, etc?  Yes, we are physical beings and will have physical problems.  But, God is bigger than any of our problems.  And…He has put other people, counselors, doctors (and sometimes modern medicine) here on earth to help us walk through some of the pains of life.  (I’ll talk about my feelings on that a bit more in another post) 🙂  However, the best resource He has given us is His word.  We can’t just read it, we have to believe it and apply it.  We have to speak it and believe what we are saying.  When we speak it, we must remember the authority that we have through Jesus and speak it with confidence, not with a question mark at the end.

As believers, we must hold our (negative) thoughts captive.  Then, we must renew our minds with the Word of God.  I will share some of my favorite passages below.  There are 365 references in the Bible that say or address, “Do not fear.”  Or as our Youth Pastor Terry said, one do not fear for every day of the year!!!  (I LOVE that!!)

After I read that booklet, I knew that things were beginning to change in my thought life.  But, it wasn’t until a women’s retreat (my first retreat with Inspiration Bible Church) I truly became free and broke off the chains of fear.  I had gone to get away and enjoy myself (and of course for the great teaching I would receive).  But, I didn’t realize it would be life changing.  I went away still battling the demons of fear, but left them in Cannon Beach along with hurts, bitterness, worry and the rest of the enemy’s lies he had been telling me at that time.  I was freed and in turn I bound the enemy in the name of Jesus because WE have the AUTHORITY to do that (once again because of what Jesus did for us).


Psalm 27:1-3

A Psalm of David. The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?

2 When evildoers came upon me to devour my flesh, My adversaries and my enemies, they stumbled and fell. 3 Though a host encamp against me, My heart will not fear; Though war arise against me, In spite of this I shall be confident.

Psalm 118:6

The LORD is for me; I will not fear; What can man do to me? (NASB)

Matthew 10:28

Don’t be afraid of those who want to kill your body; they cannot touch your soul. Fear (reverence) only God, who can destroy both soul and body in hell. NLT

V. 30 & 31, But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. 31 So do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows.

Hebrews 2:14 & 15

Therefore, since the children share in flesh and blood, He Himself likewise also partook of the same, that through death He might render powerless him who had the power of death, that is, the devil, 15 and might free those who through fear of death were subject to slavery all their lives.


Be a Blessing, Not a Jerk!

I had to take my car to Jiffy Lube recently.  They had a comfortable waiting room, with comfortable chairs, so it didn’t bother me to wait longer than the 10 minutes they usually try to promote.  However, the T.V. wasn’t working, so it was unusually quiet.  Most of us were on our phones or other mobile devices.  Then, a successful looking man got a call on his phone.  He was polite enough to take it outside.  But, his conversation was anything but private.  In fact, he was loud and proud to share with us all about his life.  This twenty-something businessman began to tell the person on the other line about how he had recently told his boss off.  He bragged about how he had a company car, took care of personal things during business hours and continued to boast about his lack of respect for the person in charge of him.

There were only two of us left in the waiting room at that point.  We just looked at each other and shook our heads.  Not in judgement, but just because this guy was trying to sound cool, but instead he sounded like a jerk.

I couldn’t help but wonder why his boss would allow him to treat him that way.  I doubted his success would last long (or at least at that particular business).  And more importantly, I began to wonder what caused him to become the way he was.  Did he begin to rebel because one of his parents was an authoritarian?  Or were his parents very permissive and let him get away with anything?  It made me actually very sad for this man and for his boss.

Over the years I have been blessed enough to work for some wonderful people.  And…I have worked with wonderful people who demonstrated what hard work really is.  As Christians, we have an even greater responsibility to be great workers.  We are to be obedient, submitting to authority (as I mentioned in my previous post on rebellion, “even to those who are unreasonable”) and use those opportunities where we don’t agree with those around us or in charge of us to grow.  Yes, there are times where are jobs can be so stressful, that we have to find other jobs.  We don’t want to risk our physical or mental health if we are truly that unhappy.  But, while you are there, be a blessing!  Don’t be a jerk!!

Jesus was the greatest example of a servant.  It is more precious for us to serve than to worry about our personal rights wherever we are.  When we are being persecuted, we are supposed to consider it a privilege.  But, our flesh wants to fight.  Jesus could have fought for His rights.  But, He didn’t.  He humbly submitted to authority.  Phillipians 2:6-8, “6 Though he was God, he did not demand and cling to his rights as God. 7 He made himself nothing; he took the humble position of a slave and appeared in human form. 8 And in human form he obediently humbled himself even further by dying a criminal’s death on a cross.”

I encourage you to read Phillipians to be reminded how to respond in times of affliction, how to humble ourselves, having confidence in anything other than Christ, and having peace with others.

I want to leave you with these reminders of how we are to submit and serve:

Service on the Job / Submission in Business / Submission to Each Other:   “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Ephesians 5:21 NIV

Submit to Our Employers:  ” Servants, be submissive to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and gentle, but also to those who are unreasonable.”  1 Peter 2:18 NASB

” Slaves, obey your earthly masters with deep respect and fear (reverence).  Serve them sincerely as you would serve Christ.” Ephesicans 6:5

Serving: “Work hard, but not just to please your masters when they are watching.  As slaves of Christ, do the will of God with all your heart. Work with enthusiasm, as though you were working for the Lord rather than people.” Ephesians 6:6-7 NLT  (See also Colossians 3:22-24, “…It is the Lord Christ whom you serve.” v. 24b)

My prayer is that if you would be a blessing wherever you are at, whether you are a Stay at Home Mom, a successful business person, or you make minimum wage.  You are important. Your job is important (whether it is in your eyes or the eyes of others doesn’t matter).  God has you there for a time and a season to Be A Blessing!!

Lesson #1 – Rebellion

Years ago I was struggling with something and was in prayer about it when I felt God say to me, “You have a rebellious heart.”  At first, I was like, “What?”  But, then He began to reveal to me areas where I had been rebellious and not submitted to authority.  Then, He gently urged me to ask for His forgiveness.

The person I remember the most was President Bill Clinton.  During the whole Monica Lewinsky scandal, I sat there and watched with judgement, disgust and self-righteousness.  God reminded me that we are to pray for those in leadership.

1 Timothy 2: 1, “I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for all people— 2 for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. 3 This is good, and pleases God our Savior, 4 who wants all people to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth.”

Rebellion comes from a place of pride.  We think we know better or perhaps are smarter than those in authority.  Pride was the first sin.  Satan thought he could do a better job than God, questioned His authority and rebelled.  The Israelites rebelled against Moses.   Once again, they thought they knew better than Moses (ultimately God) and didn’t enter the promised land.

Hebrews 3:8 & Psalms 95:8 warn, “Do not harden your hearts, as in the rebellion,[a] As in the day of trial[b] in the wilderness,” (NKJV) or “Do not harden your hearts as you did at Meribah,[a] as you did that day at Massah[b] in the wilderness,”  (NIV).  Meribah means “quarreling” Massah means “testing.”

We have all been in situations where we did not agree with people in authority.  It may have been our parents, an employer or even law enforcement.  However, we are still supposed to respect and submit to those we don’t agree with.  1 Peter 2: 18, “Servants, be submissive to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and gentle, but also to those who are unreasonable.”  Peter urges us to have an attitude of submission for it is the Christlike way to bring harmony and true freedom (1 Peter 2:13-3:12).

Sure, there are times where we need to stand up for what we believe in, especially if what is being taught is unbiblical.  However, we must be bold and confidant in our faith, but humbled by our flesh. One of the best ways we can fight is through prayer.  Let God battle for us.  “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places” (Ephesians 6:12).  Be mad at the devil.  But, also, take a step back and examine your own heart.  Are YOU the one being unreasonable?  1 Samuel 15:23 says, “For rebellion is a s the sin of witchcraft and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry,” (KJV).

There may be a reason God has allowed for you to work for an “unreasonable” boss or under the leadership of someone you don’t always agree with.  Perhaps He is trying to teach you submission to authority.  Use the time to learn, to grow and to be patient through the process.  Bless those in authority by praying for them, working hard for them.

“Whatever you do, do your work heartily (from the soul), as for the Lord rather than for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve,” (Colossian 3:23-24 NASB)

I pray that you will have a soft heart to hear what God is trying to teach you during this time.  Blessings~ Kellie